In my career, I can’t recall another world event that has impacted me personally and professionally the way this pandemic has.

On the clinical services team at Holt, there were definitely stages that occurred in which we were all trying to find our footing and then taking small steps toward stabilization. Video therapy became the only safe way for us to continue providing services to our clients, and we quickly transitioned to doing therapy through a computer instead of in person. Below is a list of pros and cons that I have developed based on my personal experience during this transition.

Pros:

• I was able to get a glimpse of how my clients lived. For kids, one of their favorite things was to show me their pets. Pets provided a huge amount of emotional support and healthy distraction during the pandemic.
• We could schedule days and times that were never possible before due to school and work. Flexibility was freeing for many clients and therapists.
• No-shows and cancellations decreased. Because clients did not have their usual schedules and extracurricular activities, they typically looked forward to our sessions!
• Most were more comfortable in their own homes. They were able to do more processing than normal because they were more relaxed.
• We had to come up with innovative ways to work with our clients. This was positive for clients because they were able to participate in new activities while therapists gained new resources for working with them.

Cons:

• I miss being in the same space as my clients. I rely heavily not just on facial expressions, but full body language. There is an energy we all receive and need when in physical proximity with one another.
• Working with younger children has been quite the challenge. When working with kids who have difficulty self-regulating, they don’t want to sit still in front of a computer or phone screen!
• Technological difficulties! We have to rely on a good internet connection and a platform that doesn’t crash. This can also cause frustration when a client is expressing something and they “freeze.” Asking them to repeat themselves breaks the moment of vulnerability and connectedness.
• It’s easier for younger kids to refuse to participate. They can just walk out of the room or distract themselves with things in the room. This can happen in the therapy office too, but we have ways to get them to engage when in person.
• We are limited as therapists who practice playfulness with our clients. We can’t get on the floor with them and enjoy being in the same space.

What have I learned?  My main practice will be face-to-face/ in-person therapy.  But I have learned that video sessions can be a great tool in certain circumstances for providing services.

The post Pros and Cons of Telehealth appeared first on Holt International.

Pam Shepard, MSW, LCSW, Supervisor of Holt Clinical Services and Marissa Robello, LMSW, CSWA, Director of Colombia Adoption, answer your questions about TBRI.

TBRI ®, or Trust-Based Relational Intervention, is a parenting intervention created and developed by Dr. David Cross and Dr. Karyn Purvis at Texas Christian University’s Institute of Child Development. TBRI^® is an attachment-based, trauma-informed intervention that is designed to meet the complex needs of vulnerable children. Here are the answers to some frequently asked questions about this parenting intervention strategy.

My adoption social worker told me I need to find a TBRI therapist. Where can I find one?

If you are looking for attachment- and trauma-informed therapy, we would advise against holding out for a therapist who is also trained in TBRI. Therapy and TBRI can complement each other well, but they are two distinct approaches that meet different needs for families.

TBRI is a parenting intervention and not a form of therapy, and not all TBRI trainers are licensed therapists. While TBRI is one beneficial modality, therapists are often trained in a much broader range of therapeutic attachment and trauma modalities, such as the Adult Attachment Interview (AAI), Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP), Theraplay®, ARC (Attachment, Regulation and Competency), EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Brainspotting and Neurofeedback to name a few.

In short, while finding a therapist who has also been trained in TBRI can be very beneficial, there are many other amazing and experienced therapists who could help you and your family.

If you are specifically seeking TBRI and not therapy, TCU KPICD keeps a list of all TBRI practitioners on their website. 

I have read “The Connected Child” by Dr. Karyn Purvis and am using the techniques, but they don’t seem to be working. What am I doing wrong?

“The Connected Child” is extremely informative, but it is really only an introduction to TBRI. If you are facing challenges, it’s very important to receive the full TBRI Caregiver Training as it expands on the three principles outlined in “The Connected Child.” Without the training, many parents jump to the correcting portion of the model before truly understanding the connecting principle and doing their own personal work. For the intervention to be effective, TBRI also requires consistency, plenty of support for parents/caregivers and, if you’re part of a two-parent household, investment from both parents.

For families, TCU offers an online, go-at-your-own-pace TBRI course.

A friend told me that because our family follows a Biblical approach to discipline, TBRI won’t work for us. Is that right?

TBRI caregiver training is an intervention for all parents, no matter their belief system. But Empowered to Connect also offers a “Created to Connect” guide, which is a spiritually based approach to TBRI.

Our children came home to us several years ago and we already have a strong attachment. Can we just skip the “connecting” part and go straight to the “correcting” part?

No. We all want the quickest “fix,” right? But the heart and soul of TBRI is CONNECTING. If you skip this part, you won’t be practicing trauma-informed, connected parenting, which is the foundation for behavioral change. TBRI is investment parenting; it’s a marathon and not a race.  

I’ve read “The Connected Child” and attended the Empowered to Connect simulcast (or live conference). Can I train my moms’ group in TBRI?

Only TBRI practitioners are allowed to train or teach others in the parenting intervention. You can, however, apply to attend the TBRI practitioner training in Texas at child.tcu.edu.

Where can I find additional resources on TBRI?

Texas Christian University Institute of Child Development

TBRI 101

Hope Connection 2.0

Empowered to Connect

My kids are adolescents now.  Can I still use TBRI with them?

Absolutely. The strategies, techniques and tools can be adjusted to use with older kids and teens. There is also a TBRI for Teens video just for you!

Are there moderated social media groups that offer TBRI support?

Yes! Parenting With Connection and Homeschooling With Connection are Facebook groups moderated by TBRI practitioners. 

It seems like this approach would be wonderful for educators to use. Is there a TBRI training for teachers?

Yes! TCU KPICD just released a new digital download curriculum that schools and educators can purchase for their staff!

Pam Shepard | MSW, LCSW/Supervisor of Clinical Services and Marissa Robello | LMSW, CSWA Clinical Social Worker

Holt provides support to all adoptive families!

We are here to serve, connect and support all adoptive families! We offer post-adoption coaching and education, summer camps and more.

post adoption services

The post Answering Your Questions About TBRI appeared first on Holt International.

Anxiety is a term that we toss around quite a bit, especially in the mental health profession. But what does it REALLY mean?

The dictionary definition is: a feeling of worry, nervousness or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Every single person on this earth has probably experienced situational anxiety at some point in their life. Anxiety before a big test, about a big event or about going to the doctor are just some examples that pop into my head. But what happens when anxiety is persistent, intense and something that you experience on a regular basis? How many children can verbalize the feelings that they have about trying something new, going somewhere different or being separated from their parents? 

What if you aren’t aware that the symptoms you feel are anxiety? What if your anxiety is something that happens to you, but you don’t remember or recall the triggers that caused your anxiety? What if you just think you have chronic stomach problems, headaches or nausea? Most adults don’t recognize the symptoms of anxiety, much less children who have little to no memories of the first months or years of their lives. How can we expect children to VERBALIZE their worries if we can’t do it ourselves?

So, let’s try again. What is anxiety and what does it really mean?

I’ve learned that it’s different for each person who experiences it. Being aware of what’s happening with our body, though, will help to identify this.

Some common symptoms of anxiety include a racing heart, upset stomach or nausea, irritability, frustration, difficulty breathing, chest pains and difficulty sleeping. Some people notice that they are very impatient and short with people close to them. Physical and somatic symptoms are extremely common with anxiety.

Here’s an example of anxiety and how it might present in children:

Sophia sat in my office talking about her recent experience at her first overnight camp. She described having fun and enjoyed laughing with her friends, but also fell ill while she was there. She talked about having an upset stomach and headache. Sophia reported that she went to see the camp nurse for help, but there wasn’t much she could do since she didn’t have a fever. The nurse left it up to Sophia’s parents to decide whether she should stay at camp or they should pick her up. It was decided that they would pick her up the next day, but that meant she would miss two days of camp.

Sophia was able to process her experience by walking through the events leading up to camp, what happened while she was there and then when she began to feel sick. I helped Sophia recognize that anxiety isn’t necessarily about our thoughts — “I feel nervous, I don’t know if I’m going to know anyone, I wonder if I’ll have fun” — but more about our feelings and experiences.

So, even though she didn’t have nervous “thoughts,” her body was responding to her anxiety with an upset stomach and headache. Sophia was then able to identify that she was in fact anxious about camp because she didn’t know what to expect. She had also never been separated from her parents for an extended amount of time, except with relatives. It was a very different experience.

Other children may present in more unusual and frustrating ways. I have observed children pulling on their parents clothing or even “banging” into their parents or hitting them as a way to communicate their anxiety or feelings of discomfort. This can be due to an overstimulating sensory environment and the child’s inability to verbalize their feelings.

Has your child ever asked you to sign them up for an activity, only to refuse to go once it starts?

That’s most likely anxiety. Anxiety about the unknown, the unexpected, or lack of self-confidence and lack of felt safety. Children thrive on routine, structure, feeling safe and knowing what to expect.

Wait, actually adults do too!

Have you ever made plans to do something fun and exciting only to back out at the last minute because of your own fears or anxiety? Do you get nervous traveling by yourself? Do you feel anxious when you start a new job or meet someone new for the first time?

Anxiety is common and normal. It actually functions as a protective coping tool for most of us. As it becomes more crippling and intense, we then need to identify it and use healthy coping tools to manage it. For those who have an organic chemical imbalance, psychotropic medication may be needed (please consult with a pediatrician or psychiatrist).

Here are some great anxiety coping tools that can be used for children and adults:

• Deep Breathing
  1. Bert and Ernie’s “Up Goes the Castle”
  2. Square breathing
  3. The Flower Breath: Imagine smelling a flower. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth.
  4. The Bunny Breath: Take three quick sniffs through the nose and one long exhale through the nose. (As he starts to get the hang of it, have your little bunny focus on making the exhale slower and slower.)
  5. The Snake Breath: Inhale slowly through the nose and breathe out through the mouth with a long, slow hissing sound.
  6. Blow Out the Candle: Imagine a birthday candle. Take in a deep breath through the nose and then exhale through the mouth to blow out the candle.
  7. Smell the Rose/Blow Out the Candle: Combine the Flower Breath (on the inhale) with the Blow Out the Candle Breath (on the exhale), holding up your pointer finger to your nose as “you smell the rose,” and dropping your finger to your mouth as you “blow out the candle.”
• Yoga Pretzels
• Remove yourself and/or your child from the anxiety-provoking situation for a few minutes and take a walk, do some jumping jacks, do a “wall push” or read a book.
• Turn off bright lights or use noise-reducing headphones in overstimulating environments.
• Talk about the event ahead of time and adequately prepare your child, but not in too much detail that may instill more fear or anxiety (find a healthy balance!).
• Identify a safe item for the child to have with them (something small in their pocket, a favorite stuffed animal, “squishies,” fidgets, etc). Identify a safe place or a safe word, symbol or sign that they can use if they are having difficulty verbalizing their anxiety.
• Use mindfulness or grounding techniques.
• Download mindfulness or deep breathing apps on your phone or your child’s phone.
• Use trauma-informed tools at home and other places you frequent.

Parents, identify your own anxiety and practice healthy coping tools. Children learn best by observing, modeling, teaching and practicing.

Read more parent training and education articles here. Looking for post-adoption support? Email us at pas@holtinternational.org!

The post Recognizing and Coping with Anxiety in Children appeared first on Holt International.

They are hoping for answers and, at times, connections, a sense of belonging and pieces to their identity puzzle.

For the past several years, a group of teenagers and young adults have met once a month at the Holt-Sunny Ridge office to connect with one another and work through difficult situations or relationship dynamics in their lives. For many of these adoptees, a running theme has emerged surrounding identity and accessing information that they never had before. For those of us who know our ancestors and history, it’s something that we most likely take for granted. For instance, I’ve always known that my relatives come from Germany and that at some point in our history an “n” was eliminated from the end of my maiden name. I can look at pictures of my family and see the physical resemblance. I can look into my daughter’s eyes and see the same color as mine looking back at me. I can look at my son and see my husband’s eyes and my side of the family’s bone structure.

Many adoptees don’t have any information at all about their biological relatives, genetic makeup, culture or background. Some adoptees don’t even know if their birth date is actually the day they were born. It was assigned to them based on their approximate age when they came into care. They may have been born in a specific country or area, but that doesn’t mean that both of their biological parents were natives to that country. DNA tests can give adoptees so much in regards to their identity and who they are. Will it answer every question they have? Of course not. Is there a chance that some of the results may be inaccurate or not complete? Probably. In fact, information has recently become available about what to be aware of and consider regarding these tests. But overall — for an adoptee who has limited or no information on who they are or where they come from — these genetics tests can give a general, and potentially meaningful, overview.

One 18-year-old who attends the HSR group said that she decided to do the DNA test out of a general curiosity, but also because she didn’t want go through life just “assuming” that she is full Chinese. She reported that the test results gave her a sense of self and a piece of home. Another 18-year-old group member said he completed the test because his mother wanted him to have some medical knowledge based on his genetic makeup. Concerned he might have sickle cell anemia, she was relieved to learn that he did not carry that gene. Other adoptees reported that they were interested in connecting with possible biological family members, while others were just trying to gather more information about themselves and did not necessarily want to connect with anyone.

Before moving forward with DNA testing, it’s important to have a conversation about possible outcomes and what you and/or your child’s motivation may be for wanting to do it. It’s also important to do research on which company to use or which test to do based on what results you are hoping to acquire. Another factor to consider is how much and with whom you want to share the results once you get them.

Most importantly, remember who this is for! As an adoptive parent, you may feel some hesitation because of your own fears or anxieties. Or while encouraging your adoptive child to do the DNA testing, you may overlook your child’s anxieties; they may not be emotionally ready to take part.

Resources about DNA testing:

Learn more about 23andMe.

Learn about Ancestry.com.

Learn about Helix.

This resource ranks the top best DNA testing sites.

This Gizmodo article discusses things to consider about DNA testing.

One adoptee shares her story about completing a DNA test as part of her birth search.

The post Identity, Adoption and DNA Testing appeared first on Holt International.

We gravitate toward the show due to the pebbles of accuracy surrounding adoption, foster care and birth parent reunions that it throws at us from week to week. It’s still a dramatic television show, so it won’t be able to give anyone a fully realistic picture of what it’s like to be adopted or reunited with your birth father. But it’s definitely one of the closest mainstream shows that we’ve come across so far.

Sterling K. Brown plays Randall Pearson, who was adopted by Jack and Rebecca Pearson. Randall is Black and his parents, as well as his twin brother and sister, are White. The writers have clearly done their research and have consulted with adult adoptees to accurately portray not only aspects of transracial adoption, but also search and reunion, identity and trauma. On her Facebook page, Angela Tucker — director of the documentary “Closure” and creator of the web series “The Adopted Life” — has written about her consultations with the NBC writers of “This is Us” regarding her experiences as an adult adoptee and a foster parent. It’s refreshing to hear that a television show is taking the time to seek out lived experiences from those that adoption affects the most.

As an adoption-competent therapist, I have learned from my clients that each adoptee has a unique perception, opinion and view of their adoption experience — and that those very perceptions, opinions and views may change on a yearly, daily and at times hourly basis! But overall, the “feeling” of adoption as portrayed in mainstream culture is usually one of goodness, happiness and “rainbows and unicorns.” In “This is Us,” however, we are introduced to a different side — the trauma and loss side — of adoption and foster care. We feel the push/pull of how an adoptee struggles with their feelings toward their birth parents in the very first episode. The writers painfully convey the angst that Randall feels when he discovers his adoptive mother knew from the time he was an infant who his biological father was — yet kept it a secret. We see young Randall in a grocery store asking random adults to curl their tongues because he has learned this trait is hereditary and wonders if any of them — because they are Black — might be related to them. As he battles with forming his identity, he also carries a little notebook where he documents his encounters with people of color.  In current time, we see Randall deal with panic attacks and his need for perfection and control. He is paralyzed by his own fears and the unknown.

In the current season, Randall and his wife, Beth, decide to become foster parents. They begin fostering an older girl and the writers introduce trauma triggers of abuse as well as the child’s deep connection with her mother. We sense Randall’s internal battle between wanting to protect his foster daughter while at the same time empathizing with her mother and the struggles she has experienced.

While the show definitely portrays the realistic side of adoption, identity, trauma and loss, it also gives us hope. Randall and his wife have a wonderful relationship, and he is a connected and playful father and a loyal brother and son. The show depicts the need to lean into the hard stuff but also have hope for the future.

This show is recommended for adoptive and foster parents, especially those parenting children of color. This show would be appropriate for teenagers to watch, but it does have adult storylines and content.

The post The Adoption Lens of “This Is Us” appeared first on Holt International.

One of the most common struggles parents face is playing with their children. For some, it just doesn’t come natural to be playful with kids. Often, we are too heavy on structure or correction because it’s what we think our kids need. But what if it were possible to teach our kids certain needed skills WHILE playing and having fun with them?

All of the activities below will meet your kids’ needs in some capacity. They will also help break up those long, dreaded indoor days of winter!

For younger children:

• Bring bubbles inside! Sit on your kitchen floor and have your little one try to pop the bubbles with a particular body part (elbows, toe, ear). Bubbles catch interest and you can make the activity more structured or more spontaneous! Eye contact, laughing and being silly together also helps build connection and strong attachment.
• Sticker Match: Place colorful stickers on your child and then have the child place stickers on you in the same places until you are both decorated the same way. After all of the stickers are on, touch your matching stickers nose to nose, elbow to elbow, etc… This engaging activity will promote teamwork, laughing, matching and connecting.
• Trace messages or do a “weather report” on your child’s back. Write letters, pictures or messages on their back and have them guess what they are. Do a “weather report,” asking your child what the weather was like today. If it was warm and sunny, make a large, warm circle with your hand. For windy weather, you could swoop your hands lightly across their back and make a swishing noise. To create thunder, you could pound gently with the sides of your hands. And to create rain, make light finger taps. This activity can also help calm your child down if they need it, while having fun and meeting sensory needs.

For all ages:

• Balloon Games: Work together to keep the balloon in the air without touching the ground and see how high you can get in. Change it up by trying to use only one body part like your head or elbow. Balloon races are fun for the whole family: get in partners and place a balloon between your heads or stomachs, working together to keep the balloon from falling. Set up a start line and finish line to see who can get there first. This activity promotes teamwork and cooperation, as well as connecting.
• Cotton Ball Hockey: Lie on the floor on your stomachs (or sit with a pillow in between you) and blow cotton balls back and forth, trying to get the cotton ball under your partner’s arms or off the edge of the pillow. Or make it more challenging by working together to keep the cotton ball on the pillow in the middle. This is an engagement activity that encourages teamwork and models regulation.
• Red Light, Green Light or Follow the Leader: These simple childhood games can help you share power with your kids by taking turns being the leader or being the “caller” for red light, green light. It also helps them learn how to regulate by having to wait for directions and to control their bodies.
• Thumb Wrestling or “Rock, Paper, Scissors”: These super simple games promote touch, cooperation and eye contact with your child.
• “Heads Up”: This game can be downloaded as an app on your phone! There are even versions with just pictures so that younger kids can also play and give clues. One player holds the phone to their head and the other players try to get them to guess what the picture is on the phone by giving various clues. Once you guess the correct answer, you just tilt your head down to go to the next picture. If you need to pass, you tilt your head up! These games foster eye contact/bonding, cooperation and learning.

We didn’t forget about your teens!

• Manicures and Pedicures: Take turns with your teen giving each other a manicure or pedicure (or both). This allows for nurturing time with healthy touch that doesn’t feel intrusive or overwhelming to your teen.
• Temporary Tattoos: Find some fun tattoos that your teen might like. Allow them to choose one for you as well. Just remember, they’re temporary, and allowing your teen to choose empowers them and lets them know you are having fun.
• Progressive Pass Around: There are several ways to implement this activity. The idea is to take turns, building upon the activity as you go. You can do a silly face pass around in which the first person makes a silly face, then the next person repeats that face plus adds one of their own. This is repeated, going around the circle as many times as everyone wants to. You can also do this with writing a story. Each person takes a turn writing a sentence, making up a story as they go along. Lastly, you can play pass around by drawing pictures as well. Each person gets a turn drawing one thing on the paper. All of these activities foster connection and working together as well as strengthening creativity.

The post How You Can Play, Connect and Beat the Winter Blues All at Once! appeared first on Holt International.

“I want to help you meet your needs, but I need you to use your words.”

“I want to help you, but I don’t understand what you need when you are hitting and kicking.”

“It seems like you are having a difficult time right now and I want to let you know that I’m right here when you are ready to ask me respectfully.”

“What can I do to help you get what you need?”

Often, as parents, when we are confronted with disrespect or what we perceive as disrespect, we respond with much more than we need to. What if we were able to re-frame traditional discipline and punishment to be more about correction and teaching? If we model for our children the correct behavior and have them practice through the use of re-do’s and second chances, we are actually tapping into their motor memory or muscle-based recall.  Research from The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross shows that this way of learning actually trumps cognitive, thought-based memory for young children.

An example of a re-do might look like this:

Child: “I’m going outside.”

Parent (said with a playful yet controlled tone): “Now, honey, was that asking or telling Mom? Can you try that again with respect? I can help you if you need the words.”

Child: “Mom, can I please go outside?”

Parent: “Wow, that was such a great re-do! Yes, you may go outside.” Or “That was great asking with respect!”

For the older child, one way that I have suggested parents “re-frame” traditional discipline if grades are slipping and electronics need to be limited is to word it like this:

“I love you very much and I take my love and role as your parent very seriously. Part of my job is to keep you safe, but safety can also be about knowing what’s good for you and what’s not.  Right now, it doesn’t seem like playing video games during the school week is working for you because of your slipping grades.  So we’re going to only play them on the weekend.  This is not a punishment, but we need to figure out how to get those grades back up and video games seem to be a distraction right now.”

Balancing structure and nurture isn’t easy. Most of us were raised with the traditional “do as I say because I said so.”

In TBRI ®, we are still teaching respect but we’re doing it by modeling, coaching and connecting!

The post Balancing Structure and Nurture appeared first on Holt International.

Since being professionally trained in the TBRI ® (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) model of parenting, I have become more aware of how trauma, adjustment and the broken cycle of need impacts brain development. “Inside Out” thoughtfully and playfully brings to life how our brain functions and how every part of the brain plays a part in regulating our emotions and behaviors.

The main characters of the movie are Joy, Sadness, Fear/Worry, Anger and Disgust. They are the feelings inside the head of the character Riley — an adolescent girl who is experiencing a huge change and adjustment in her life when her family relocates to another state. Her memories and “personality islands” start to break down when Fear/Worry, Anger and Disgust are suddenly put in charge of “headquarters” because Joy and Sadness are lost in another part of her brain. Rather than Joy trying to keep Sadness from “touching” or affecting Riley’s memories and emotions, both Joy and Sadness have to work together as a team to find their way back to headquarters. Once they figure this out, Riley is able to lean into her sadness — allowing her parents to empathize with and comfort her. This allows her to experience joy in being comforted and loved. As a therapist who works mainly with kids who come from hard places, this is such an important message for both parents and children to receive.

Below are some thoughts from others who also saw this incredible movie.

“I think what I love most about ‘Inside Out’ is that it illustrates to children (and reminds adults!) that sadness is not only necessary, it can be both productive and transformative. That our broken places have regenerative power if we allow sadness its necessary place amongst joy. Together, they are growth. That’s my takeaway.” ~  Nikki Velasquez, LCSW

“I thought that the newest Disney Pixar film ‘Inside Out’ was an excellent representation of how our emotions interact with each other and why we feel the way we do.” ~ Nick, age 16

“‘Inside Out’ was a perfect example of the ying and yang balance of seriousness and comedy; where joy and sadness both play a part.”  ~ Anna, age 13

“It’s a great movie that makes you realize you need to live through and experience sadness in order to feel joy.” ~ Jamie, adoptive mom to Annie, age 8, and Lizzy, age 11.

“I really liked how sadness helped Riley find her joy.” ~  Anyssa, age 10

A note to parents: This movie is rated PG, not G. There are some moments in the movie that might be considered scary for younger viewers. For children who have experienced trauma in their lives, this movie could be triggering and parents should process with their children during and after the movie.

The post “Inside Out” Through the Eyes of a Therapist appeared first on Holt International.

There are so many other areas of our lives in which we deem it “okay” to ask for help.  If your child is struggling academically, you might look into hiring a tutor or signing up for an after-school program.  If your child needs to learn how to swim, you would most likely start “Googling” local swim lessons.  If your child is sick, you pick up the phone and make a doctor appointment. 

Often, however, we neglect or dismiss our mental health needs.  We tend to become

embarrassed or ashamed of our feelings and decide to squash them down.  When parents detect a behavior change in their children, they may question whether or not they need to talk to a professional. But so often, they ignore their thoughts out of fear. It’s quite common to feel hesitant about therapy. We fear what we do not know.

You may have even sought out services in the past, but received inadequate help and refused to go again. But don’t let one bad experience prevent you from seeking services when you — or your child — need them. 

Finding the right therapist — particularly an adoption-competent therapist — can be challenging. Here are a few tips to consider when seeking out clinical services for your family or your child. The first list is about finding a competent therapist in general and the second list is about finding an adoption-competent therapist.

Finding a Therapist

1. Dip your toes, don’t dive.  Make a phone call and seek out a consultation before moving forward too quickly.

2. Ask friends who might be experiencing similar circumstances if they know of any good resources or referrals.

3. Think about the main reason you are seeking services and find someone who specializes in that area.For instance, if you think that adoption might be a factor for your child or your family, find someone who has extensive experience in the field.

4. Interview the therapist about their background, their degree and their theoretical framework.

5. Inform the therapist that you are looking for the right “fit” and need to feel comfortable before moving forward with regular sessions.Let them know that you might “interview” a few different therapists.If the therapist is offended by this and reacts negatively, this might not be the therapist for you! Most therapists would be impressed that you are taking your time with this.

6. No therapist can specialize in “everything,” so feel free to ask them how often they work with the specific area of concern for which you are seeking services.

7. Make sure you are working with a licensed therapist (LCSW, LCPC, LMFT, etc.) and do a quick check to see if they have ever had any complaints filed against them.    

Finding an Adoption-Competent Therapist

1. Ask them if they have ever received any post-graduate training in attachment, trauma or adoption.Some examples are: TBRI ®, DDP ®, Theraplay ®, ARC, EMDR.

2. Ask them if they have ever read the book “The Primal Wound” by Nancy Verrier.

3. Inquire about their thoughts on adoption as trauma, openness in adoption and if they view adoption as a lifelong journey.

4. Ask them if they have ever worked in child welfare — whether the public or private system —worked as a homestudy worker or if they have a personal connection to adoption.

5. Finding a therapist who has a personal connection to adoption can definitely be a benefit but it can also be challenging.At times, a therapist who is personally connected may subconsciously allow their personal point of view to interfere with the work that needs to be done in therapy.However, there are numerous therapists who are also adoptees, adoptive parents or birth parents and do amazing clinical work.

6. Consider numbers #1-7 in the previous list.

The post Dip, Don’t Dive appeared first on Holt International.

No response. Repeat the command. No response. Repeat the command. Take away the remote control and turn off the TV yourself

Charlie now responds: “I hate you! You’re so mean! I was almost finished!”

Charlie is now kicking, screaming and crying. Mom tries to comfort him and then tries to handle the situation by threatening to take away privileges. But his behavior only escalates. The meltdown goes on for two long hours.

Sound familiar?

As the supervisor for post adoption services at Holt-Sunny Ridge Children’s Services, many parents tell me they experience this behavior with their child on a daily basis. They are exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated and just don’t know what else to do. They are angry at themselves, but they also can’t help feeling angry toward their child. They feel guilty and ashamed, but also tired and hurt. If you have felt that way as a parent, I want to deliver some good news. There is hope!

Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®) was created by child psychologists Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross, who also co-wrote the popular book “The Connected Child.”  TBRI is a research and evidence-based model of intervention for “children who come from hard places,” as Dr. Purvis refers to children who have experienced early risk factors such as prenatal stressors, a traumatic birth experience, early hospitalization, abuse, neglect or other trauma — many of them common among children adopted from institutions or foster care.  These risk factors alter a child’s brain development and can negatively affect their overall development. 

TBRI is built on three founding principles: connecting, empowering and correcting.  The connecting principle tells us that children who have not had their needs met in a consistent and loving manner will likely develop an “insecure attachment” with their caregivers.  It also informs us that our childhood relationships with our parents can deeply affect how we ourselves parent.  The empowering principle details how physiological and ecological factors can impact a child’s behavior. And the correcting principle provides parents with concrete, practical tools and strategies to help them manage their child’s behavior.

Working through the TBRI model, parents have seen tremendous progress in their relationships with their child and dramatic improvements in their child’s behavior. Our Illinois branch office offers two ways for families to learn TBRI techniques: through our therapy program or through workshops for parents and children to learn the TBRI model as a group. Our next  workshops will occur on September 19th, October 17^th, November 14^th and December 12th. Holt-Sunny Ridge is a preferred provider for Blue Cross Blue Shield and United Healthcare. For information about rates and coverage and/or to schedule a private family therapy session, call 630-754-4522 or email pams@holtsunnyridge.org.  Families who adopted through any agency are welcome.

For families who are located in another state, they can contact their Holt branch office or Holt’s headquarters in Oregon to find out about local resources on TBRI. To learn more about TBRI, visit www.child.tcu.edu or read “The Connected Child” by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross.

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